I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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