he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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