Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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