She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it's like heaven, but drunker
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
