You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
