Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
