one might say we're banned from that church
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
