maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just had sex on a roof
Randomize
