I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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