And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
