So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
