FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
