Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
