smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
