enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
