i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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