OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
