Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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