Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
