I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
