we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
