Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
