2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
