Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
