And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
