then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I pour the whiskey from now on
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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