i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
