i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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