You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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