My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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