Swine flu. Run for my life!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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