she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
