Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
