Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
