Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
