What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
