Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
