where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
