I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
