I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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