Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
two words: eviction party
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
