what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
