Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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