put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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