He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
wow bdsm is so cute
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
