Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
