if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
