At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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