Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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