ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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